Monday, October 5, 2015

I Don't Feel Like Doing This

Can I be honest?  I’ve been feeling a lot like what the title states for the past couple of months.  Many Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings have come and gone, and I’ve not really had the best attitude in the world towards playing music at church.  However, after doing this for close to 20 years of my life, I know that this is just a season and it will pass eventually; it always does. I have been so incredibly busy outside of church, it’s difficult to get excited about much of anything these days…and yet I still do it…even if I don’t feel like it or have the best attitude about it.  

Whenever confronting these feelings, the following verse comes to mind, especially in playing music:

"Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs."  (Psalm 100:2)

If you are like me, you may have grown up singing the hymn “Serve the Lord with Gladness.” With sermons and songs written about doing this, it has always bothered me whenever I sort of don’t feel like “doing church” on certain days.  At this point in this blog, if you are rolling your eyes and muttering phrases like “Get over it,” “I work harder than he does, and I’m happy serving all of the time,” “First-world problems,” or “I never get tired of serving my church in my ministry,” this blog is not for you.  Please stop reading, and I hope you have an amazing day!

If you ever feel yourself burning out or sometimes growing weary of doing your ministry at church, keep reading.

Before I go any further, yes, I realize and know that it’s an honor and a privilege to play on the praise team, and I know not to take it for granted.  Also, I feel extremely blessed to live in a country where we can go to church without having to hide (but if we did, I have a big basement…and a PA system…and guitars…and a drum set…and chairs.  Just sayin’…).  With that said, I’m sorry if I don’t feel like skipping across the parking lot at 7:30am every Sunday.  It’s just hard some days, you know?

Here’s where the problem for me lies: It’s been drilled into my head and into my heart for so many years that those of us in leadership-type positions have to be really, really happy whenever we show up to church every week. I’ve been indoctrinated in the idea that if we aren’t practically turning cartwheels whenever we enter the church building, there is something wrong with us.  Somewhere along the way, I accepted the idea that it’s downright sinful to not be happy while serving.  If you have ever felt guilty of feeling a little burned out in your particular ministry, may I be so bold and say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.  How am I to judge your feelings?  Your pain?  Your exhaustion?

So, what does the Bible say? I looked up verses regarding being a servant trying to figure all of this out.  You know what I found?  Besides the Psalm 100 verse written above, I don’t know if there are many other verses out there that deal with serving the Lord with gladness.  Instead of “being happy,” other words seem to be pretty common in regards to being a servant:  Righteousness, honor, love, trust, goodness, faithful, blessing, friend, etc.  When it comes to servanthood, the last I checked the goal is for Jesus to say, “Well done good and faithful servant.”  I don’t think that there’s an additional clause that states “…but you should have been happier.”  Thanks to His omnipresence, He sees what we do.  While a lot of the time a byproduct of being a servant is happiness and fulfillment, I’d rather shoot for faithfulness, loyalty, and friendship with God.

I love my daughter, and I’ve never been loved by someone in this world the way that she loves me.  We have a great relationship, and I hope to keep it that way.  We are open and honest with each other, and she has become a tremendous helper to our house.  Whenever I’m working on something, she is ALWAYS the first to ask, “Can I help?”  At least a few times a week, I have to ask her to clean her room.  While there is a certain level of satisfaction after she’s done, her personal satisfaction (or happiness) is not the point of my asking her; I ask her to do it because I need it to get done.  She does not feel like it a lot of the time, but she does it because it’s the right thing to do.  She does it because she was asked.  She does it because she is loyal.  Most of all, she does it because she loves her dad.  There’s a real deep pride that I have whenever my kids do things that they don’t want to do, and yet they do them anyways.  I think of this whenever I’m dragging on Sunday mornings or when I pull into the parking lot on Wednesday nights straight from work, knowing that I won’t be getting home until about 10:30 that night.  

Sure, there is some satisfaction after playing a good set.  It makes me happy to see other people worshipping, and I enjoy the people that I play with.  With that said, I don’t play to entertain at church.  I don’t sit at home and practice a few hours every week just because it’s fun.  

I don’t play drums at church because it makes me happy all of the time.
I play drums at church because I love my Dad, and He asked me to.  I really want to make Him proud.

Martin

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